


all again

by luxsirius



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-11-19 10:41:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11311698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luxsirius/pseuds/luxsirius
Summary: And Baekhyun never ever hesitated when it came to Chanyeol.





	all again

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by Ella Henderson's All Again ; enjoy! (posted on aff under luxsirius as well)

[all again](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z49tvEHC31A)

* * *

_oh no, here we are_

_can't believe the timing, yesterday you're smiling_

_i guess we both played our parts_

 

Baekhyun still had vivid dreams of his past relationship. It’s hard to move on from a seven-year relationship, because with a love that long you’d think it would last forever.

Baekhyun guessed he was wrong.

However, he wondered if it was normal for his heart to ache when two years already passed since the grand breakup of Park Chanyeol and Byun Baekhyun, or what he liked to call as his greatest moment of heartbreak.

_very entertaining, but it's such a shame_

_that we lost our way from the nights we danced_

_the bands were playing_

Park Chanyeol and Byun Baekhyun went way back, first year of college to be exact. Cliché it may sound, but they were the best friends to lovers type of couple. Pining for months since they met, the two were ecstatic when Chanyeol finally had the guts to ask Baekhyun out on a date and the latter agreed without hesitation,

Because he never ever hesitated when it came to Chanyeol.

They bonded through their common interest: Music. Of course, the sole reason why they met as well. Chanyeol would play the guitar and Baekhyun would sing his heart out to the love songs his boyfriend would strum to.

No break up songs, because they were happy and in love and Baekhyun nor Chanyeol did not need to listen to tunes about heart break and sorrow and moving on.

Nine years after, Baekhyun’s playlist was filled with poignant songs that he sang with all the remaining pieces of his heart, because he always found it easier to control his emotions when he has songs to describe it.

But deep inside he knew that no song could perfectly depict the pain he felt, _feels_ , now that Chanyeol wasn’t by his side.

_i say i'm over you_

_but i'm not sure that it's true_

 

“How are you?” Kyungsoo asked him, sitting in front of the brunette with his chocolate latte at hand.

“I’m okay, why?” Baekhyun replied, garnering the energy to fake a smile.

“Are you sure?” Baekhyun nodded as he took a sip of his strawberry shake.

Kyungsoo smiled at him and Baekhyun felt guilty that he had to lie. Well, technically, Baekhyun is fine. He would wake up in the morning sometimes feeling a bit positive about his day…

 _‘Only to come home and wallow in my tears,’_ he thought.

He does want to be better, to move on. He desperately wants to forget and become the person he used to be, even before Chanyeol came to his life. Byun Baekhyun wants to,

_But he can’t._

_come on, heart let me in_

_days can be so bright and the weight could be lighter_

_and we both know, so don't pretend_

 

He tried dating other people as suggested by his concerned mother friend Kim Junmyeon. Through the blind dates, he met this cute kid named Oh Sehun. Tall, handsome, but surely had the sense of humor to keep Baekhyun smiling and giggling. They said their goodbyes making sure phone numbers were exchanged. This sparked hope inside his heart.

This is it.

But when he came home on that day from his lovely date, he checked to see his calendar to finally mark the progress of his moving on, an action he later regretted as his knees collapsed making him fall against his wooden floor.

_14 th of June._

It was supposed to be his and Chanyeol’s anniversary and Baekhyun felt everything rush back and it was awful, so goddamn awful, for his hopes of forgetting to be crushed so easily and immediately.

He heard his phone ring and he knew it was Sehun, but he was too broken to pick up. Too broken to start again.

Baekhyun never called Sehun back.

_makes it all so hard_

_when I see that we're far from the way we were_

_oh the nights we danced, the bands were playing_

 

_Where did it go wrong?_

This question lingered in Baekhyun’s thoughts every single day. He was so sure of Chanyeol. He was so confident that they’d go through all the challenges. That they’d shout insults and complaints at each other, but will always end up whispering their love and devotion at the end of it all.

He would spend his bad days like this, remembering and crying about things that would never return. Bringing out a box full of his ex-lover’s left possessions, which he never had the heart to throw out. He found one particular envelope that contained a letter he loved to read especially when he missed the other.

_“I’m afraid of losing you,” Chanyeol confessed to him as he read the letter in front of Baekhyun. The latter only laughed at this, earning him a frown from his boyfriend._

_“Why are you laughing?” Baekhyun stifled his giggles but let a smile linger on his lips._

_“Because that’s never gonna happen, you know?” He walked over to Chanyeol and held his face between his beautiful hands._

_His tall boyfriend immediately slid his arms around Baekhyun’s waist and claimed his lips and that day was marked as one of the couple’s favorites._

“I guess I’m the one who lost you,” Baekhyun murmured as he smiled sadly. The letter on his hands were once again drenched with the teardrops that left the heartbroken man’s eyes.

 

 

_i say i'm over you_

_but i know that's not true_

 

 

“Baekhyun?” A familiar voice called. Baekhyun turned to see the tall handsome funny young lad he never got to call back.

“Sehun, um, hi?” Baekyun greeted.

“What’s up? You know, you never answered my texts or calls, so I literally know nothing how you’re doing,” the young man asked.

Baekhyun almost choked on his spit at the bluntness, but decided that he deserved this for treating Sehun like shit and for not giving a proper explanation, “I’m okay…”

Sehun nodded and silence ensued. Baekhyun found it awkward and it was too much for his guilt-stricken conscience, so he tried to explain.

“Look Sehun, you’re a great guy, but I think I-“

“I know, don’t worry I’m not mad,” Sehun cut him off. “I’m just worried about how you’re holding up. I’ve figured you’re just fresh from a breakup?”

 _‘Yeah fresh. If you call two years of sobbing over this particular break up fresh, then yeah, I’m fresh from a breakup,’_ Baekhyun wanted to reply, but that would be rude and Sehun had been so understanding so he only managed to nod.

“Are you okay?”

Baekhyun is surprised on how fast his answer came out, “Yes.”

Sehun raised an eyebrow, “You mean you’re trying.”

_‘How the fuck does this kid know?’_

“First of all I’m not a kid, and second, it’s better to admit you haven’t than pretend you have,” Sehun added nonchalantly.

Baekhyun realized he just said his question out loud and was about to apologize when Sehun started to speak again.

“And for me, it’s better to hurt because of love than to have not loved at all,” Sehun offered him a small smile. “I hope you feel better. Call me if you need a friend!”

With that, Sehun continued walking through the busy streets of Seoul, leaving Baekhyun alone.

The petite man turned and ran back to his apartment because he could not stand to hide the pain anymore. He could not stand pretending anymore and Sehun was right. It was better to admit it, better to not pretend. It was better to hurt after all than to have not loved,

But it wouldn’t it be the best if you do love and you are loved in return?

_if i found a way just to hit rewind_

_would it be enough to change your mind?_

_and this time I'll make you stay_

 

_“You’re so difficult! I’m so done putting up with you!” The taller had shouted at him while packing all his belongings in one suitcase._

_“I’m sorry, please don’t go” Baekhyun had pleaded._

_Everything was falling, crumbling, breaking, and he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want this to happen! He just hoped that he could be understood, for once._

_“No! You’re so selfish and cruel. Can’t you see I’m doing everything here for you? For us?” Baekhyun’s tears continued falling with each word thrown at him._

_Soon, Chanyeol brushed past him, making him stumble. He rushed to stop his lover, but it was too late._

_Baekhyun was too late._

_“Goodbye.”_

 

Baekhyun woke up screaming. Breath shaking and tears falling from his eyes.

 _‘Not again,’_ he thought as he curled his body making him look tinier than he already was on a king-sized bed he used to share with Chanyeol. That night was full of wails and cries of his heart yearning for the one person who could fix it, but was all the reason why it was broken.

Baekhyun still had vivid dreams of his past relationship, but he was in denial to admit that they were nightmares of memories he deeply regretted.

_and i remember how we used to be_

_giving you up ain't so easy_

_but since you walked away_

 

Baekhyun had bad days but his worst days were terrifying.

_Barely eating, barely sleeping, barely living._

Kyungsoo and Junmyeon would try to knock on his door; he would never open it for them. The lights would be off and his television would be muted because he didn’t want anyone to know that he was home.

His friends knew about this tactic of his, but in respect to Baekhyun’s needed and wanted alone time, they would leave him be. They would resort to texting or messaging to remind him to eat and sleep, or take care of himself in general.

Baekhyun would follow their orders… occasionally; however, during his worst days, the one person Baekhyun trusted to enter his apartment was no other than Chanyeol.

Well, good luck on that because he was now single, have been for two years already.

Unfortunately, Baekhyun does not know any other way of comfort since the day Chanyeol left. He’s not even sure if comfort was still in his vocabulary since his heart was always breaking with the mere thought of his ex.

He sighed for the nth time that day until he hears it, the soft pitter-patter of rain against his windows.

Baekhyun inwardly cheered as he considered the sound of rain calming. With the accompaniment of thunder and lightning, it would be a different thing, but it seemed like the rain would maintain its soft and light descent.

For the first time that week, he stepped out of his apartment to join the sky in its despair.

_i am falling_

_and i'm too weak to fly_

 

 

The rain made Baekhyun feel reminiscent of his past (and greatest) relationship. With his trusty Totoro designed umbrella, he silently walked around the area. As expected, there were only a few people since they didn’t want to get soaked by the rain; Baekhyun was different.

He noticed the small café that used to be his and Chanyeol’s favorite place to date. He also passed by the game shop that they would line up in so that they could be one of the firsts to purchase this new video game.

Baekhyun also waved to the florist, Chen, who had become Chanyeol’s reliable friend especially when it came to buying him flowers for their special occasions. He also greeted the baker, Yixing, who always offered the couple free cakes during their anniversaries as he claimed that they were his favorite pair.

The thought of moving away from his town flashed in Baekhyun’s mind because honestly, all he wanted to forget, but how could he if every corner of this place reminded him of what he lost?

How could he if his very home had the things of his true love scattered around?

How could he if he still loved the tall idiot he used to call his boyfriend?

 

_now my heart's wide open_

_and you're the reason why_

 

 

Baekhyun felt his heart constrict when he landed in front of the place where he and Chanyeol first met: Their university.

With the guard remembering him, he had the pleasure to enter the grounds of the very place he personally swore he’d love Chanyeol forever. Nothing much changed and Baekhyun cursed this fact because that meant the memories would be clearer.

He almost retreats and go back to his apartment because for fuck’s sake, he was only hurting himself, but he guessed that he’d give himself this pass.

It’s been tiring him to act like he was okay, and the empty campus seemed like a great place to ultimately wallow in his sadness.

 

_i've been broken_

_from the scars that I forgave_

 

Baekhyun relived the memories one by one. Skipping to one place of the university to another.

The benches they used to sit on to eat their pre-brought lunch. (The cafeteria was too packed for Baekhyun’s claustrophobia to handle; Chanyeol never seemed to mind.)

The library they utilized once finals began. (Although, they have wasted more time stealing glances at each other rather than actually studying.)

The fountain that held too many coins because people were dumb enough to believe it’d make their wish come true. (Baekhyun was one of them, unfortunately.)

The music hall where they used to perform their self-composed songs. (Baekhyun particularly liked the song _Heaven,_ which Chanyeol apparently wrote for him.)

And the Music building entrance where they bumped into each other for the first time, only to know that they had the same schedule for their first class. (Baekhyun liked to believe it was love at first sight.)

He let out a small smile despite the huge teardrops that fell from his eyes and to the pavement. People would think it was rain if Baekhyun didn’t have any umbrella above him.

Baekhyun turned to look at the university for the final time before promising to himself that after this, he will try. He knows that he will fail but he will try again.

_i spent a long time running_

_from the mess we've made_

 

He closed his eyes to savor his final moments of self-pity, final moments of willingly remembering Chanyeol. Baekhyun closed his umbrella to feel the rain on his skin, to calm him and ease him of this pain.

When he turned to leave a familiar voice, a too familiar voice, called to him.

“Baekhyun.”

And Baekhyun thought that fate was so cruel because it knew that Baekhyun never ever hesitated when it came to _him._

So, without hesitation, he turned around, already expecting to see the almond-shaped eyes he loved looking at, the used to be fluffy brown hair, now dyed to be a shade of pink and just the tall built man that he loved, _he loves,_ with all the broken pieces of his heart.

_and oh,_

“Chanyeol…”

_but i'd do it all again_


End file.
